“Dude, I don’t know how Asian people can speak their languages. It’s all so weird and complex. Like, if I had to live in that part of the world, all I could do would be to become a monk and take a vow of silence.”
“I need to stop drinking so much. I actually feel stupid… like… my brain is ow.”
In the year 2012, consumption of ethyl alcohol has been proven to be detrimental to language skills.
Charming South Central Moment of the Semester:
Having access to a puppy that thinks she’s a parrot.
“I like my women like I like my coffee - black, room for cream.”
You clever, irreverent man, you.
“College girlfriends suck.”
“That’s okay. It’s like a puppy mill - lots of them are cute, and you’re sad if you lose one, but there are always more running around for you to pick up.”
After he hugs his son goodbye at the train station, a father says “Do your best this week, guy. Set a good example.”
The son doesn’t seem to hear his father’s advice. The kid sitting next to them on the platform does, though.
It’s amazing to me that such a simple statement, uttered at such a mundane crossroads as two diverging train tracks, can be so powerful. Those are my words to live by for the near future.
Guy on Metro (to no one in particular as I’m boarding): “My sperm, urine, feces is mine. You can’t have it.”
Me: “Don’t worry. I don’t want it.”
He seemed relieved.
Credit to Jonathan Kuhn
Small child stops in front of me. Squeezes his eyes shut, assumes the power stance, grunts with exertion… farts. Smiles, says “oopsie, I made a poopsie!” and keeps walking.
Good morning, Los Angeles. Your youth never ceases to amaze me.
“My work ethic would make my Protestant ancestors so angry.”